Careful Daphers!

Steady there Daphers, (that's The Honourable Daphne Suzannah Diana Joan Guinness to you) a platform boot and a cobbled street can be a tricky combination; because, I'm not being funny girl, there's not that much of you and I fear you may snap rather than bounce.

 Ohh, but look, how sweet, some of the Hoi polloi are trying to help you.

And in case you need a medical brace I have tracked down these:

These are from Alexander McQueen's S/S 1999 collection; so I couldn't really have found anything more appropriate if you had taken a spill at the Cathedral yesterday. I also came across (from the same collection) something that would have been mighty handy for me for the past few weeks:

The designer hip brace with built in lace camisole and a one legged Pantaloni; perfect!

And whilst I've been digging around in the McQueen archive today (which on a serious note, makes me, as always, absolutely awestruck at his talent, vision and creativity) I thought I might also share the components of Bjork's 'Angel Outfit' that she sang in yesterday:

Wings from the S/S 1999 Collection and Feather Skirt from the S/S 2001 Collection.

I'm still disappointed that I can't see the silver helmet she was meant to be wearing, unless it's perched on the back of her head, however possible contenders include:

Silver Helmet Givenchy A/W R-T-W 1998/99 (during McQueen's reign) and Chain Mail from Alexander McQueen A/W R-T-W 2009/10

Although I can see that the Chain Mail could have proved vocally challenging.

  

Well I'm off to see Professor Schilders tomorrow, so watch this space to see whether I will be needing to invest in one of those leather hip braces!

Ballet Bitch xx

    

A Very Fashionable Final Farewell

A memorial service was held today at St Paul's Cathedral in London to commemorate the life of Alexander McQueen following his suicide seven months ago; which included, amongst other things Bjork dressed as a McQueen Angel and performing Billie Holiday's Gloomy Sunday.

I had read in one article that she was wearing a silver helmet, which I'm disappointed not to see.

I know that some people view the funerals of the famous as ostentatious or vulgar or even disrespectful in their theatricality, but I disagree, as long as they are fitting to the character of the deceased I think, that in a society becoming increasing informal and often down right slobbish making 'a great big effort' should be encouraged.

Sarah Jessica Parker, with what looks like the ghost of 'Sarah Jessica Parker Past' sneaking up the steps behind her.

Anna (Nuclear) Wintour looking as terrifying chic as ever and Hilary Alexander in what looks like a marvellous tulle hat.

And of course finally my favourite; good old Daphers!

I thought she rather underplayed it today, given what she wore to the actual funeral in February.

Ahh well, see you Daphers and a final farewell to Lee:

BB xx

   

The Arms Race

The other night I was watching 'What's Love Got to Do with It' (the Tina Turner story), because as far as I'm concerned the next best thing to a dance film is a biopic.

I love a biopic and I particularly like ones in which famous people play other famous people; don't ask me why but it's gratifying and amusing in equal parts. The exception to this rule is Drew Barrymore in Grey Gardens, whose portrayal of Little Edie was extraordinary, to the extent that at the very start of the film I thought they'd spliced in footage from the original documentary.

However some of my favourite biopics include 'The Scarlet O'Hara War' (Tony Curtis playing David O Selznick and Sharon Gless playing Carole Lombard), the legendary 'Mommie Dearest' (Faye Dunaway playing Joan Crawford) and perhaps my favourite 'Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure'. A biopic about Dynasty? Genius!

I'm sure some of you probably think I'm making that last one up, but I can assure it's real; check it out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUVvLPEQcas


I'm also partial to American biopics/mini-series about our Royal Family, hours of fun watching them get all the royal protocol horrendously wrong.

Anyway, I digress, back to the Tina Turner story. I have seen this film before, but I'd completely forgotten about Angela Bassett's arms.

Whoa Nelly!

It seems a bit unfair that Madonna always seems to get the blame for being the originator of female  trucker arms. 'What's Love Got to Do with It' was made in 1993, when her Madgesty looked a bit like this on 'The Girlie Show'; which was her tour for that year.

Toned I'll grant you, but I think Miss.Basset would probably win in an arm wrestling situation.

However we know Madonna is never one to be outdone, so fast forward 17 years and we have all learnt about the perils of banishing the dreaded 'Bingo Wings':

Maybe sometimes, it's just worth buying an outfit with sleeves..........

Ballet Bitch xx

Swine Lake

Well it will be three weeks tomorrow since the eminent Prof Schilders was fettling around inside my hip joint.

I had my first proper visit to the physio on Monday and so far (fingers crossed), so good. Along with giving me some new exercises to do (which I add to my existing regime) Garry also gave me some of that rubber Flexi Band stuff for added resistance and generally pulled, prodded and stretched parts of me around. I'm not saying I crossed, but I was definitely teetering on my pain threshold for some of it. The upshot is (as always) it felt so much better afterwards and actually really nice (I know that sounds perverse!) to have something that felt like a proper stretch. We are basically trying to keep as much of my mobility and flexibility as we can whilst I'm not dancing and (if I understood correctly) made sure I don't get any referred problems. For example I had started to get a bit of a niggly knee on my poorly leg, because other muscles and ligaments were starting to tighten.

That's the problem with being an elite athlete (snigger) I'm like a finely tuned machine!

My other concern about the postoperative period was weight gain. I usually dance 4 or 5 times a week and to go from that to zero I was a bit concerned I'd end up like this:

Ok I usually don't do the whole 'Fat Ballerina' spoof, but it's Nureyev and the Muppets, so you have to make an exception.

So I spent the first week after my Op being a total Food Nazi, living on fruit, salad and Innocent Veg Pots. However nothing terrible happened in fact my weight remained identical so I relaxed my regime a little and in the past two weeks, although mainly being very sensible I have also indulged in Steak and Chips, a roast dinner and a curry.

I remember reading in Gelsey Kirkland's autobiography 'Dancing on my Grave' that after she broke her foot in rehearsal she put herself on a very strict diet:

' Without mobility, I devoted all my energy to maintaining my appearance. I hobbled to the bathroom scale and balanced on one foot to check my weight several times a day. I went on a ration plan to stay at ninety pounds. In the morning I sliced one green apple into four pieces. Each piece constituted one meal, with a tablespoon of cottage cheese for dessert. I ate four "meals" a day' - Gelsey Kirkland

Balanchine, Karinska, Gelsey Kirkland and mystery dresser

Costume fitting for Firebird 1970

Well my days of living on Marlboro lights, black coffee and cottage cheeses (not to mention weighing 90 pounds) are about 20 years behind me, so I think I'm going to stick to my more moderate plan of baked fish and Veg pots with the occasional treat.

I think what's definitely helping to keep my weight in check is the two hours of daily self managing physio. This involves floor exercises and a session on the old exercise bike; I do this twice a day as instructed and it's great for the hip (as there's no pressure on it) and burns a few calories.

However I'm going to be honest, some days the cycling can be a bit tedious, so inspired by Richard Gere in American Gigolo ;who learned Swedish whilst doing inverted stomach crunches using Gravity Boots:

I thought I might pop an old  'Learn French with BBC2' CD (you know the kind that has jaunty music in between the modules) on whilst cycling away and but the end of the week would be able to convey that "My Grandmother's coach had been struck by lightning". It's not quite the same I grant you (I should probably point out that languages were never my strong point at school and that the only French I've ever really mastered has been that used in balletic terms) but he who dares Rodders.

After a few attempts at this I wasn't really making much progress, although I could actually remember some of the very basic stuff from the 'O' Level syllabus, so I decided to have a go at practising Swan Arms whilst cycling; thinking this would combine a bit of co-ordination, flexibility, artistic interpretation and basic toning properties. 

In my head I was an injured Prima, desperately trying to get fit for a World Premiere First Night, however I imagine the reality looked a bit more like this:

Take care my lovelies,

Ballet Bitch xx

Dancing and the Devil

I watched the Strictly Come Dancing launch programme last night, really with the sole purpose of watching Anton de Beke being paired with Ann Widdecombe. I know it was supposed to all be a surprise, but the entire nation knew that it was going happen; not only does Anton often get the, shall we say, not naturally gifted dancers, but after he severely blotted his copybook last year, it was inevitable there would be some serious penance to be paid.

As Len Goodman observed last night "It's never too early to start panicking"

However I would like to congratulate Miss Widdecombe on the decision to embrace her natural hair colour I think her silver locks are very flattering and rather chic.

Can I also just say how bloomin' fantastic does Felicity Kendal look:

Barbara Good finally got her 'Posh Frock'!

Following on from 'Strictly' I tuned in to Film 4 (being on crutches slightly limits one's options for a Saturday night!) to watch 'Bedazzled'; yes the critically acclaimed 2000 remake with Brendan Fraser and Liz Hurley.

Now I know that this film (based on the Pete and Dud 1967 movie of the same name) was not universally well received, but I've thoroughly enjoyed it before and was pleased to see it on offer for my viewing pleasure last night. I like a bit of pseudo psychology "Ohhh, be careful what you wish for", I think Brendan Fraser is always watchable and most importantly of all I love Liz Hurley's wardrobe in this film.

Behold:

Low cut sequin gown with a platinum crown of thorns.

Floor length strappy gown, slit to the thigh, sky scraper patent mules and a bejewelled alice band (check, check, check, standard Hurley issue- not suitable for civilians) if not Versace, than definitely in the style of.

And my favourite:  Red Fendi Coat, with red leather Fendi Handbag ( sadly not in shot)

Now for a little bit of fashion history,this is a picture of the coat (in white) on the Fendi Runway A/W 2000

And I wonder if the red leather outfit, shown in the same collection, was the inspiration for this costume:

And finally, who doesn't love a bejewelled bikini; do you think this was from her own range?

Apple and snake optional.



Ballet Bitch xx


 

Fruity!

I want to say a big thank you to my Godmother (Auntie Jen and family) for the lovely Fruit Basket that was delivered this afternoon.

It's fabulous and looks like a prop from an 'old skool' MGM musical; there are also grapes, apples, tangerines and a plum hiding under the bananas; and I promise I won't attempt to do this with it later:

However if any of you are at a loose end later and fancy popping round to mine, you could always attempt to recreate this number for my amusement.

You might need to bring your own bananas, depending on numbers.

 BB xx

Return of the Muff!

I feel I should start this post by stating that a percentage of you are going to be very disappointed with it's content.

This Fall (I've put that in for our American cousins) my mind has turned to Retro Themed accessories and I've been scouting around the old inter-webby for a bit of inspiration; we Primas like to keep toasty at all times.

Now you can imagine my trepidation at typing the words 'Vintage Muff' into the Google search engine, but I have to say the results weren't too X-rated, so don't be afraid to scroll down and check out some vintage glamour.

Or even some 21st Century Glamour thanks to Rhi-Rhi and Kaiser Karl:

Definitely a case of 'Pimp My Muff'!

If you fancy having a go at making your own, it's well worth looking around sites like etsy and ebay as it's usually fairly easy to source a vintage pattern.

Or if you want to splash the cash have a look at the Rike Feurstein Muff (very similar to the one pictures above left) on ASOS; click the link below and turn to page 24/25 on their virtual magazine.

http://www.asos.com/Women/Asos-Magazine/Cat/pgehtml.aspx?cid=8647

Now seeing that you've all been so well behaved and not sniggered too much, I think it's only fair to leave you with a bit of 1940's Muff porn. Enjoy!

Ballet Bitch xx

   

Chocolate before the performance!

Day 13 in the postoperative house and I can report that my stitches have been removed and I have progressed onto Week 2 Self managing physiotherapy in The Hip Arthroscopy Handbook. Woo-hoo!

I shall be visiting 'Garry's House of Pain' on Monday for some serious physio and to experience his unique bedside manner. Only joking Garry, you know I love you!

I don't get to see Professor Schilders again till the 22nd of September as he is currently 'away'; I'm sure it's probably on very important medical business or perhaps a well earned rest to catch up with some reading by Lake Como, but there's a part of me that almost secretly hopes he's 'having it large in Faliraki' for a fortnight.

Anyhoo, I was perusing a copy of Vanity Fair this morning and this advert for Louis Vuitton caught my eye.

A portrait of Annie Leibovitz and Mikhail Baryshnikov, with Misha contemplating whether Annie has capture the essence of 'difficult Russian Artiste with tortured soul' (please say that in your best Meerkat voice).

I love Misha. I loved him in 'The Turning Point', 'White Nights' and  'Dancers'; it put a smile on my face when he turned up in series 6 of 'Sex and the City', and OK he always plays 'difficult Russian Dancer/Artistic Director/Conceptual Installation Artist with a tortured soul', but he does it so well.

But it did get me thinking about the role of classical ballet in advertising; which is somewhat limited, completely unbelievable and thoroughly entertaining.

I must, of course, start with the Maltesers classic 'Chocolate before the performance!':

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0JGqDNde0o

There is something so barmy about this concept, that I rather love it. "10 Marlboro light and a black coffee before the performance" would be a lot more accurate.

I suppose I am also duty bound to mention the current Haagen-Dazs 'Melt Together' extravaganza:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zz8kUxPt-EY

I'm not sure why, but there's something about this that I find intensely annoying, don't even get me started on the health and safety implications, I think probably because it's overloaded with saccharin. I really want the girl to drop the spoon, the rallying cry of 'Heads Up' to echo across the stage as everyone pegs it to safety in the wings, leaving the Prima Ballerina (whilst being supported in a Fish Dive) to catch the ice-cream laden spoon and then eat the contents, whilst her partner makes a bitchy comment about her dietary habits. That Ladies and Gentlemen would make a great advert.

And finally, possibly the most realistic product partnership:

Voltaren gel; a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug for the treatment of arthritis and osteoarthritis.



Ballet Bitch xx



    

Ultimate Crutch Action

Easy Tiger! That's probably not as exciting as it sounds.

Earlier this year when the whole hip malarkey started; consultations, x-rays, MRI Scans (and just for the record it is a jolly jape having contrast matter injected into your hip joint with a horse syringe; although I have to say the radiographer was lovely and we had a nice chat about Ballroom dancing; his favourite dance was the Cha Cha Cha, which quite surprised me as I thought he looked more like a Foxtrot sort of chap), my dance teacher (Nigelinsky) was being very supportive, concerned and compasssionate about the impending surgery and one day, whilst rooting around in his bag, said "I've got a picture of what you'll look like after your operation".

Well I was expecting to see something inspirational like this:

There's me thinking that following my Hip Femoroacetabular Decompression and Labral repair (Ohhh, I love a bit of medical jargon) I would somehow magically have 180 degree leg extension, however the image he was brandishing was this:

Hmmm, hilarious..

This is from bODY_rEMIX by the Compagnie Marie Chouinard, if you would like to see them in action here's the link:

http://www.sadlerswells.com/show/Marie-Chouinard/gallery

Now I think those sort of moves would definitely impress my consultant at our next appointment!


Ballet Bitch xx