Sunday 23 October 2011

I'm Alive!

Hello Chaps, it really wasn't my intention to maintain Radio Silence for so long, but it has been a bit of an insane couple of months; in a good way.

I feel that I haven't done a medical update for ages and I have good news, so I'll crack on with that first.

An extraordinary thing happened to me in class a couple of months ago; I realised I was scrutinising my epaulement in the mirror.
Now I know what you're thinking 'Well Hold The Front Page: Dancer Exams Her Technique in CLASS!', but for me it must have been the first time in about two and a half years that I wasn't thinking 'Hip' as in 'Ohh, what's that', 'that's a bit sore/twingey/stiff', 'that really is feeling most peculiar', 'Ouch, that's kind of painful', 'That seriously hurts like a Mother******'.........Followed by post-op recovery and Physio where you are constantly on a knife's edge of nerves 'Is that normal?', 'Should it be feeling like that?', 'Have I pushed myself too hard/not hard enough?' and so on.
So I'm sure you can understand my complete joy at realising that I hadn't even thought about the 'old ball and socket' joint once in the studio that day; I also hoped it was a positive sign as I had to see my consultant in September for my one year follow up.

Fast forward to September and keeping everything crossed I head off to see the Prof; measurements and general prodding are carried out by his Physios and then it's off to Radiology for some X-rays, which I found to be a slightly amusing process. Firstly the Radiologist gave me a complete running commentary on the nuances of everything she was doing; I imagine this was meant to be reassuring and whilst I now feel certain that in an emergency situation I would be capable of providing an accurate X-ray of the 'true pelvis', I slightly got the impression she was reminding herself what to do; which made me want to giggle. Inappropriate? I can always be relied on for that.
Then she disappeared and returned brandishing a stool (of the chair variety), by which point I'm thinking 'They need an X-ray of me doing some Bob Fosse choreography?'; no turns out it's for me to put my good leg on and get it out the way so she take a sort of diagonal cross section of my hip.
Now, no one likes a smart arse, so I refrained from mentioning that I was probably more than capable of holding one leg in the air and still for quite a long time!

There have been a few IT updates since I last visited the Prof, so instead of being handed my x-rays to scuttle back to him with, I was informed it was all in the new system and he would be viewing them electronically. Ohhh, it's just like Star Trek!

So.....DRUM ROLL PLEASE.........The Prof viewed his handiwork and was exceptionally pleased with the outcome; he thinks I've healed superbly, that the bone surfaces are nice and smooth, providing excellent mobility and range of motion and that for me 'Normal service can be resumed'. I will need to see him again in a year to check the condition of the joint and I do occasionally have a little bit of Bursa trouble, which may or may not require an injection, but other than that I am a very happy Bunny!

I would like to say a massive THANK YOU to Professor Ernest Schilders and his team for their skill, dedication and professionalism over the last year and a half. I would also like to thank my Physio, the fantastic Mr Garry Slade, who, for at least the last decade, has constantly mended me, shared his unique bedside manner and made me laugh, often to the point of tears; but has also been a huge part of my successful post-operative recovery. Thank you Mr Slade, from your one and only 'Valley Girl'!

I'd just like to leave you with one more thought; I've recently returned from LA, where, at the airport I had to pass through the 'Naked Scanner' at security. Now I don't want to make assertions, but the rather portly gentlemen in the queue in front and behind me seemed to spend significantly less time in the scanner than I did; that's all I'm saying!
And given the amount of radiation I'd already been exposed to in the last couples of months I may very well look like this next time I'm on stage:



XANADU 02 (I'm Alive) by ivatrinka



Take Care My Darlings,


BB xx

Tuesday 23 August 2011

Revenge is a (Satellite) Dish Best Served Cold





Over the years I'm sure many of us have received rather irksome 'cold calling' telephone sales calls; we grit our teeth whilst trying to remain polite and end the call as quickly as possible; so this morning I found it rather amusing when my phone rang and this happened:

Sales Chap: "Hello, is that Mrs Ballet Bitch"
Ballet Bitch: "Yes, speaking"
SC: "Mrs Ballet Bitch, do you have a Sky or Satellite Dish for your Television?"
BB: "No"

What followed can only be described as stunned silence from the other end of the phone, followed by the chap repeating the question with a tone of total incredibility.

SC; "You DON"T have a Sky or Satellite Dish for your Television?"
BB: "No"
SC: "OK, bye......"click, brrrrrr.............

I know it's childish, but it a) made me laugh quite a lot and b) gave me a sense of enormous satisfaction; sometimes it's the simple things.......


BB xx



Sunday 10 July 2011

Room Of Dancing Princesses

There is a saying that if you 'miss class for one day, you notice; miss class for two days, your colleagues notice; miss class for three days, your audience notices'; I have another saying that goes along the lines of 'pose pirouettes en manege the morning after a 2 am curry on Birmingham's Ladypool Road aren't a good idea', but that's another story.

Anyway I missed class on Wednesday as I wasn't feeling well (not a hip problem, just feeling a bit sick and nothing to do with a Vegetable Jalfrezi this time!) and on Friday (because I always feel things 48 hours later) I happened to innocently mention to Nigelinsky that I was feeling a bit stiff this week; I should have known by the evil glint in his eye what lay ahead; "Shall we do some Floor Barre?"

Well there's Floor Barre and there's Floor Barre; suffice to say yesterday my Intercostal Muscles where wondering if it was possible to veto all form of movement, including breathing, for the duration, and today my lower Abdominals are wondering if, at some point on Friday, they had some sort of Psychotic breakdown and accidentally decided to get into a Boxing Ring with Mike Tyson.

Still in the long run, my core stability salutes you; plus I'm trying to get #floorbarreisevil top trending on twitter, so feel free to join in.

Anyway onto something much more fun. I've been meaning to write about this exhibition for nearly a year; I can't believe how tardy I have been, but it is on till the beginning of January 2012, so there's still time to catch it.

http://www.hrp.org.uk/kensingtonpalace/stories/palacehighlights/enchantedpalace.aspx


It's an installation in Kensington Palace, and it's magical, breathtaking, spellbinding, otherworldly, melancholic and, at times, heart wrenching; a combination of art, history, fashion and theatre. My favourite room (perhaps not surprisingly) was The Room of Dancing Princesses, that paid tribute to Diana and Margaret; very beautiful and very poignant.







I went to this exhibition at the beginning of August last year (about two weeks before my Arthroscopy), with my Mother and my Godmother, it was a glorious day and after visiting the palace we had lunch on the terrace at The Orangery. As you can imagine I was rather nervous about my upcoming procedure, but it was such a lovely day and the exhibition had been so extraordinary that all my worries disappeared and I simply enjoyed the blue skies, perfectly manicured lawns and a glass of something chilled and pink!

Ahh, the healing power of Art......



Ballet Bitch xx


Sunday 29 May 2011

It's Never Too Late For Ballet Joy

If you subscribe to The Times, here's the link:

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/life/article3039249.ece

If not I've been a tad sneaky and done this for you:








Clearly there's a bit of artistic/journalist licence with the Pointe Shoes (Pointe Work is achievable as an Adult Beginner but it takes time, strength and technique), however the magic of the tutu and satin shoes never fade.


I will leave you with this





 

To quote Margot Fonteyn, 

“The one important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The first is imperative and the second is disastrous.”


BB xx

Wednesday 27 April 2011

Make It or Break It - I Won't Dance, Don't Ask Me


Let's have a quick medical update and then get down to some serious Ballet Bitchin'!

So, resting the hip good, but back in the studio last week and a few problems flared up, jury's out and it's a waiting game. My consultant has told me that it takes a year following the procedure till you see the final outcome/result and that's it's impossible to 'break' the repairs he's made, but it's frustrating, worrying and tedious in equals parts trying to find the balance between training and recovery.

But enough of the 'doom and gloom' lets have a giggle......

OK, I have a confession to make, one of my favourite guilty pleasures is the American teen drama 'Make It or Break It' that follows a group of Elite Gymnasts on their 'journey' to Olympic Gold.

PLEASE BEWARE I AM WATCHING THIS ON UK TERRESTRIAL TELEVISION SO I'M PROBABLY 3 MILLION SEASONS BEHIND THE STATES AND SKY I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF PEOPLE COULD RESTRAIN FROM SPOILERS! THANK YOU!

One of the programme's narrative arcs centres on Payson Keeler's (played by Ayla Kell) return from a serious injury (yes, all right Freud I can see why I'm attracted by this series); as a result of her injuries she has to retrain as a 'lyrical/artistic' gymnast, rather than the 'power' gymnast she always perceived herself to be if she wants to follow her Olympic Dream. < I'm filling up here!> Of course, Payson finds it hard to think of herself as lyrical and beautiful and graceful, insisting she is a strong, athletic, competitor. Her coach; Sasha Belov, in a bid to inspire her, takes her to see 'Flight of the Swan' a re-imagining of the Swan Lake story (insert your on Black Swan gag, 'cos I'm spent on that front), to show her that grace can be strong blah, blah, blah.......


Series 2 Episode 15: I Won't Dance, Don't Ask Me - About 27.25 in

Fair enough I thought, I can imagine where this is going in a Matthew Bourne, Mats Ek, possible even a Guangdong Acrobatic Swan Lake way, but I was seriously not expecting that.


Lauren Gottlieb was a finalist on the American version of 'So You Think You Can Dance'


Ballet Bitch xx


PS For those of you in Blighty there's still the chance to catch up with some episodes from this season (this clip was taken from Series 2 Episode 15- I Won't Dance, Don't Ask Me) via 4 OD:
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/make-it-or-break-it

Everybody else, youtube, i-tunes, whatever else it is you do on the net or a good old fashioned Box Set, but be warned it's ridiculously addictive.



 

Sunday 3 April 2011

Ballet Bitch is Away

Given the recent turn of events with my hip (Grrrrrrr, text book recovery until two weeks ago) I will be resting for the next fortnight, visiting my Mama and catching up with some friends. So whether you picture that I look like this:



Or like this:




That's what I'll be up to!

Toodles,


BB xx

Wednesday 30 March 2011

March Madness Dance Off 'It's a bit Saucy......and Serious!'



As March draws to a close so must the March Madness Dance Off, so tonight we have our final two categories; something saucy and something serious.

First up is the 'It's a bit Saucy!' category and the nominees are:

Cabaret - Bob Fosse 1972
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ri980SMAP7A

Showgirls - Paul Verhoeven 1995
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRbUSIRV6i4

Make It Happen - Darren Grant 2008
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk8bPVF-wl4

Burlesque - Steve Antin 2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2r_8l1c2nQ



Best Burlesque/Showgirl Film



And Finally.........'Best Dance Documentary'




 The nominees are:

Rudolf Nureyev - Patricia Foy 1991
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itTtGTQqKlY

Armagosa - Todd Robinson 2000
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkIS6_nIEtQ

Ballet Russes - Daniel Geller and Danya Goldfine 2005
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3E9yi90I1k

La Danse: Le ballet de l'opera de Paris - Frederick Wiseman 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9khElEVt-Q

Only When I Dance - Beadie Finzi 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlL2_4IbhIs



Best Dance Documentary


OK, that about rounds it up; I hope you've had fun and perhaps even discovered some new films amongst the old favourites. As for me.............

 ..........Jeeves! Chardonnay STAT!


Ballet Bitch xx



Tuesday 29 March 2011

March Madness Dance Off 'Battle of the Ballet Films'



Well, we're bringing out the big guns tonight for the 'Battle of the Ballet Films', in a week that has seen more 'Black Swan' controversy and perhaps the most hilarious DVD launch of all time:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZ87Yd5z02I

It seems only fitting to let the classic ballet films fight it out. The nominees are:

The Red Shoes - Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger 1948
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFcOqyWBKYg

The Turning Point - Herbert Ross 1977
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2sUO3IeoJI

White Nights - Taylor Hackford 1985
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqUzTqdChNs

Dancers - Herbert Ross 1987
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsihnKFXTFw

Center Stage - Nicholas Hyter 2000
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6G-2jnVkIg

The Company - Robert Altman 2003
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYx_lXRPdhM

One Last Dance -Lisa Niemi 2003
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWspG0fCNyc

Black Swan - Darren Aronofsky 2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jaI1XOB-bs




Best Ballet Film

Get voting; this should be an interesting one!


BB xx

Sunday 27 March 2011

March Madness Dance Off 'Fake Ballerina' Category



Given the stories breaking today about another 'Black Swan' drama (we've already had the Rodarte Tutugate), namely that Portman's  body double is allegedly spitting feathers (Boom! Boom!) about the lack of credit she received, it seemed the perfect time to announce the 'Best Portrayal of a Ballerina by a Non-Dancer' category; also known as the 'Cankles and Sickled Feet' award. Ohhh, saucer of milk for me!

Given that me and my postoperative hip have not had the best week (it had pretty much been a text book recovery up to this point, but now have suspected Bursitis) I'm not sure how karmically wise this post is; but what the hell lets be just a tad bitchy, have a giggle and wallow in the 'pool of smugness'.

And the nominees are:

Anne Bancroft - The Turning Point 1977
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2sUO3IeoJI

Anne-Marie Duff -Margot 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYR9Fi5RKRE

Lea Michele - Glee 2010 (Season 1, Episode 17 'Bad Reputation') 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7uDs3uihVM

Natalie Portman - Black Swan 2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ekWWP0dQZM

I'll apologise in advance in case the Glee clip disappears; there's been a few on youtube but Fox/Sony take them down on a regular basis, probably to save the poor girl's blushes. It is worth seeking out though; her Pointe Work is quite something to behold! Meow!


Best 'Fake Ballerina'

All together now "Good Toes, Naughty Toes.......


Ballet Bitch xx

Thursday 17 March 2011

March Madness Dance Off 'Leotard and Legwarmers'



Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to the '1980's Leotard and Legwarmers/It's a Dancer's Life' category. 

I know a lot of you have been eagerly awaiting this one, and there are some big titles waiting to battle it out; so without further ado the nominees are:

All That Jazz - Bob Fosse 1979 (technically not an 80's film, but on the cusp and there are legwarmers!)

Xanadu - Robert Greenwald 1980

Fame - Alan Parker 1980

Flashdance - Adrian Lyne 1983

Staying Alive - Sylvester Stallone 1983

Footloose - Herbert Ross 1984

A Chorus Line - Richard Attenborough



Best 'Leotard and Legwarmers' Film


"DON'T POP THE HEAD, CASSIE!"




BB xx

Tuesday 8 March 2011

March Madness Dance Off 'Ballroom Blitz'



Well here we are for round two, this time it's the 'Ballroom' flicks that will be 'facing the music'; did you see what I did there; Seamless!

So just a few little notes before we get started. I ummed and aarhhed about including Dirty Dancing 2; it's pretty much a sequel in name only (although Swayze does have cameo role) so I feel it should be judged as a separate entity from the original film. I was also a little undecided about 'Naked Tango', as technically it's about 'Argentine' rather than 'Ballroom' Tango and also has a tendency to veer towards soft porn from time to time; but what the heck, let's throw caution to the wind!
And finally 'Shall We Dance' was remade in 2004 by Peter Chelsom, starring Richard Gere, Jennifer Lopez and Susan Sarandon; it's a very enjoyable film, but I have chosen to include the original Japanese version, as I feel the narrative works better set within Japanese Society.

And the nominees are:

Dirty Dancing - Emile Ardolino 1987
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95IlLCfg8_g

Naked Tango - Leonard Schrader 1990
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITfiivBnIMU

Strictly Ballroom - Baz Luhrmann 1992
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dtfxf3FFx4

Shall We Dance - Masayuki Suo 1996
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQWEhPYwuY4

Dance With Me - Randa Haines 1998
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9-9uvi1iQ0

Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights - Guy Ferland 2004
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBGEbEqQAsY

Take The Lead - Liz Friedlander 2006
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yWRRvTBUz4



Best Ballroom Film

Cast your vote and spread the word!


BB xx

Tuesday 1 March 2011

Welcome to the March Madness Dance Off!



Let's get ready to Rumble!


Well Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Santto you all and welcome to the March Madness Dance Off. Admittedly it's been quite a day for the arts, first the sad news about the death of Jane Russell this morning and then the dismissal of John Galliano from the House of Dior following his very strange and unacceptable behaviour; designers at the helm of the big fashion houses are under such enormous pressure these days that I do wonder if Galliano is experiencing some mental health problems as his behaviour has been so extraordinary.

Anyway let's lighten the mood and cheer ourselves up with some fabulous dance clips and the inaugural vote for the March Madness Dance Off.

Ladies and Gentlemen the first category is 'Best Dance Routine with a Comedy Prop' and the nominees are:

Fred Astaire  'Sunday Jumps' - Royal Wedding 1951
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pjlrrMvdtw

'Who Will Buy?' - Oliver! 1968
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqiuKXHk6tM

'Fit as a Fiddle' - Singin' In The Rain 1952
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0Y1wwnM49k

'The Lady in the Tutti Frutti Hat' - The Gang's All Here 1943
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVvf2wRhh9k&feature=fvst

And a last minute entry; Jane Russell, a gymnasium full of chaps and two badminton rackets:

'Ain't There Anyone Here For Love?' Gentlemen Prefer Blondes 1953
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPuT0k4Zdog

RIP Miss Russell

Hat stands, bananas, fiddles and market garden items; plenty to choose from there!


Best Dance Routine with a Comedy Prop

OK Chaps, Chocks Away!


BB xx

 

Saturday 26 February 2011

March Madness Dance Off Update

Don't forget to join us for the 'March Madness Dance Off' starting next Tuesday.





The nominees have been selected, the tiaras have been polished and I've figured out how to build a poll into my blog; huzzah!


BB xx


 

Tuesday 25 January 2011

Black Swan



Well I finally got to see 'Black Swan' last night......Hahahahahahahaha, Ohh my sides; nobody told me it was a comedy. Although it has sparked an idea for two new categories in the March Madness Dance Off.

Firstly 'Best Cat Fight With Your Imaginary Alter Ego Whilst Wearing A Tutu'



And the 'Sue Ellen, You're a Drunk, a Tramp and an Unfit Mother' Award.




Oh yes, and Natalie, Alexis Carrington called while you were out and she wants her shoulder pads back.




That's all Chaps; Carry On!


Ballet Bitch xx






  

Sunday 23 January 2011

Let The Madness Begin!

A big thank you for all your fabulous suggestions, but please keep them rolling in.This is all starting to get completely out of hand and I LOVE IT!






















At the moment there is everything from serious 'Dance Documentaries' (Amargosa and Patricia Foy's 'Rudolf Nureyev') to The Two Ronnies 'Ballroom Formation' sketch; follow the link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3MzFHWOntI

I've also received suggestions for:

'Music Videos' ; Kate Bush has been a popular choice; go on have a look at 'Wuthering Heights' on youtube, I guarantee it will make you smile.

'Dancer in a non-dancer role'; Alexander Godunov in 'Die Hard', 'Witness' and 'The Money Pit', Mikhail Baryshnikov in 'Sex and the City', Rudolf Nureyev in 'Valentino' (although he does dance a few tangos), Moira Shearer in 'Peeping Tom' and of course our very own Chris Gable in numerous productions.

Godunuv in 'Die Hard'
SJP and Misha in SATC
Carl Boehm and Moira Shearer in 'Peeping Tom

And perhaps my favourite suggestion:

'Could I have the bit in Oliver when he sings "Who will buy this wonderful morning..." and the whole street goes leg kicking crazy and shake market garden items at people in posh doorways and windows. Twistingtastic! It's how I would like to start my day everyday apart from Sundays(need a lye in after at that exertion).'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4gzmoUHrQ4

Thank you the lovely Andrew Warburton, you always make me smile!




Anyway I will leave you with the late, great Christopher Gable a strong contender in the 'Guest Appearance on a TV Show by a Classically Trained Dancer' category. No Angela Rippon that doesn't include you.







Ballet Bitch xx


  

Thursday 20 January 2011

For Your Consideration

And we're off.....

I have received the first film nomination for the March Madness Dance Off; thank you Jan; an excellent choice and surely a very strong contender in the '80's Leotard and Legwarmer' category.

Adrian Lyne's 1983 film was a tale of Alex Owens; welder by day, dancer by night; who possessed the unique talent of being able to remove her own bra, whilst staying fully clothed. She was quite a Gal!




No I haven't come to mend the boiler; I'm a Prima Ballerina, just like you!
(Although I'm not sure if you are a top Prima, as you appear to be wearing both legwarmers)






Are you sure about that Luv, it's just that you're preparing to turn a pirouette with a can of lager in your hand.




Anyway, to whet your appetite, here's are very own Mr Robert Webb with his interpretation of that classic dance number: 'What a Feeling'. Enjoy!










Ballet Bitch xx


  

Monday 17 January 2011

Introducing The March Madness 'Dance Off'!

The press has worked itself into a frenzy over the last couple of weeks about all things ballet related in the run up to the UK release of Black Swan. The usual clichés have been regurgitated (yes that is my Bulimia joke) in various articles about eating disorders, physically punishing regimes and fanatical discipline.
Well (Shock, Horror) it's pretty impossible to turn 32 Fouettes en Pointe, if you are not in peak physical condition.




Anyway, this had lead to many discussions between myself and Dr Kate Twinkletoes (my former Partner in Crime at the Ballet Barre and now an esteemed clinician in San Francisco) about the various Dance Films we have seen over the years and their various attributes. The biggest problem with this genre of film is that dancers aren't necessarily that convincing at delivering lines of dialogue, whereas actors (even in close up) are never believable as classically trained dancers. It is quite a conundrum.

At the suggestion of Dr Twinkletoes I will be launching The March Madness 'Dance Off' Awards; all throughout March you will be able to vote for your favourite Dance Films in a variety of categories. If you have any suggestions about films you'd like to be included or any ideas about categories, I'd love to hear from you and I'll do my best to accommodate them.




It's alright Moira, don't sweat it, you've got a few weeks to make up your mind!


Ballet Bitch xx
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