Michelle Moseys Off!

Well it came as no surprise last night to say farewell to Michelle. There was a glimmer of hope last week with the waltz (although it has to be said Brendan is a very strong lead and literally pushed her around the floor), but as well as always looking absolutely gorgeous she was, unfortunately, always a trifle stilted too.

It's quite interesting that I have sort of automatically erase Ann out of the equation when I ponder who will be voted off; although she possibly guaranteed herself a spot in Blackpool by announcing to the judging panel (and the world) that she would be dancing a Rhumba in two weeks time. Good Luck, Rhumba is considered to be the hardest latin dance.

Is it just me or does anyone else think that Anton is morphing into 'Gigolo Joe' the robotic character played by Jude Law in the film AI?

Right, moving on. Gavin kept his clothes on but snogged Bruno, Pamela did a bit of a cheesy striptease and Felicity got into a bit of a tangle, but (hooray) managed to refrain from doing the splits.

Kara performed a very accomplished Argentine Tango, in fact one of the judges commented that is was like watching two professionals on the floor and while that is praise indeed and she is a very talented dancer it brings me on to my final point.

Sometimes the dance isn't always about technical perfection, sometimes it's about a connection with the audience or taking risks or just that undefinable 'thing' that makes an unforgettable performance and I absolutely have to agree with Len that what makes Sccooott so mesmerising to watch is that he does 'dance on the edge' and it is absolutely electric.

Ballet Bitch xx


  

 

Farewell To A Misty Eyed Mistry

Well they'll be under starters orders again tomorrow, so let's have a brief recap of the past two weeks.

First off it was Ta Ta to Tina O'Brien, proving there's a (very limited) time and place for Pleather and Saturday Night Prime Time Television isn't one of them.

Followed last week by a Misty Eyed Jim Mistry:

Gawd Bless him; I'd be emotional too if I'd delivered that Quickstep and I was booted out while other talentless contestants stayed.

Talking of which, Anton might finally realise (although in a rather twisted manner) his dream of dancing in the competition at Christmas.

I am actually starting to find the Ann Widdecombe circus slightly cruel. I know there are two schools of thought and in the beginning I did think 'Well done to you for having go'. I also thought she may be an unlikely ambassador for dance, proving that it has massive benefits for all shapes, sizes and ages and that you don't necessarily have to be young, lithe and Hollywood perfect to participate and enjoy dancing.
However I'm now worried that she may be having the opposite effect as I fear the public is laughing at her not with her and I'm a little tired of the same 'Comedy' routine that gets rolled out each week, which always involves Anton dragging her around the floor and bad mime.

Whilst we're on the subject of repetitive: 'Felicity enough with the splits'. I actually found myself agreeing with Alesha Dixon last weekend and had to immediately check that Hell hadn't frozen over!

Yes, we get it, you do yoga three times a week, you're flexible, well done. Although if I'm being picky, technically you're not actually doing the splits:

Scooootttt! I have developed a little bit of a Ballroom crush on you; your Tango actually made me cry and the last time I wept at anything on the Telly it was Darcey's Farewell Curtain Call at Covent Garden, well I say wept, howled like a Banshee whilst tears poured down my face would be a more accurate description of that Balletic Event.

And your Halloween Viennese Waltz was superb:

Whilst we're on the subject of my Nemesis I would also like to say 'Ten Out of Ten' to Matt and Aliona for their music choice on Saturday night; an arrangement of the Kylie Minogue/Nick Cave Duet 'Where The wild Roses Grow' and for incorporating a garden swing into their routine. Outstanding!

Special mentions should also go to Patsy for embracing her inner Kylie and thoroughly enjoying her (in the words of Revel Horwood) Chavtastic Cha Cha Cha. Go On Gal!

And also to Gavin Henson, not only for a rather accomplished Cha Cha Cha (very impressive hip action!) but also, more importantly, for managing to keep some of his clothes on. Well done Gav!

Well lets see what tomorrow night brings!



Ballet Bitch xx

Goodbye Goldie

Well that was a bit of a shocker; Goldie became the first contestant to leave this series of Strictly.

My predictions were that Peter Shilton and Paul Daniels would be in the bottom two, but of course with the dissolution of the Dance Off, we are left with, what is basically a popularity contest.

I don't think Goldie deserved to be the first one to leave; yes there was plenty of room for improvement, but I thought he showed commitment, style and a great sense of self which are the key components to becoming a great dancer.

I promised myself that I wouldn't get into a Strictly Rant; but can we please bring back Arlene and the Dance Off.

Jeeves, I think I need Chardonnay STAT!


Ballet Bitch xx


    

Patsy Gets Her Mojo Back!

Well, what a difference a Strictly week makes; Patsy Kensit went from looking like she was a rabbit caught in the headlights to looking like she was having the time of her life!

Looking like a cross between a Felliniesque heroine, Madonna in the recent Dolce & Gabbana campaign and a grown up Crepe Suzette (her character in the 1986 film Absolute Beginners) she strutted round the floor giving it a huge amount of welly and making Len's night as she flung herself on the Judge's table.

Alright, there is a bit of technical nitpicking, but she looking so joyous compared to last week I'm going to leave well alone.

Anyone else remember the Fashion Show scene from 'Absolute Beginners' where Crepe Suzette ends up dancing on the Runway in a paint splattered black sequined dress? Because when I saw Patsy last night I was transported back 24 years and I think maybe she was too.

Here's a link to see Patsy talking about Absolute Beginners, with a little clip of the Runway Scene:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5FIqVAwc6Q


Moving on to other Strictly business I though Goldie showed great improvement after last week's Dad Disco dancing in what looked like a sequined cardi, I thought his Foxtrot this week looked like a performance but still with his own character shining through. Again there is technical nitpicking, but I thought he showed that he had  paid attention to learning correct technique.

After last week I was a bit fretful for Kara Tointon, that due to her amazing figure (and the rather dubious Hot Gossip costume she was put in), she would spend the series being dressed as a cross between a Russ Meyer heroine and a surburban Ann Summers Hostess, but last night she looked beautiful and sohisticated as a Bond Girl in the 'From Russia with Love' Foxtrot and even performed a heel turn which made Len very happy!

I know, Heel Turn, it sounds so simply, but to do it without having 'Wicked Witch of the West' feet is quite difficult. Earlier in the evening both Len and Craig commented on Matt Baker's overemphasized Heel Leads; I've just had another look on the old i-player this morning and they are right, his foot is completely flexed to the point of comedy.

Now I know what your thinking, Heel Lead, you mean just like walking, how difficult can that be? The problem arises when you've spend most of your dancing life being taught to point your toes (I'm sure the same is true in Gymnastics); and believe you and me it's instilled in you from day one; Good Toes, Naughty Toes (Good Toes are pointed toes), so the tendency when learning Ballroom dancing is to over compensate the action to make sure you get it right, because it feels quite unnatural at first and I think that's what Matt is doing, but it will sort itself out.

The other problem I find with Ballroom, is reigning in the turnout. I actually had a comment on my last Ballroom Exam paper that stated 'Try to make your Heel Leads clearer by not rotating your stepping leg outwards in the Quickstep'. Pointed Toes and Turnout; what can I say once a Prima, always a Prima!

And finally, Gavin Henson, sigh and it all went so well last week, but the Latin can be quite challenging for the chaps and NO GAVIN, ripping open your shirt isn't going to make the situation any better, unless your next career choice is to join The Chippendales.

In the very wise words of my Optician Mr. Selbie (Mr & Mrs Selbie like to partake in Ballroom dancing), "You've got to be very comfortable with your own masculine sexuality to try some of those Latin Dances"



Ballet (and occasionally Ballroom) Bitch xx


 

And They're Off: Week One of Strictly!

Well it's that time of year again; the nights are drawing in and as the trees shed their leaves the Glitter Balls descend in a BBC studio at Wood Lane.

Yes Strictly Come Dancing has returned to our screens and already provided quite a bit of entertainment, surprises and scandal.

We Ooohed over Matt Baker's very accomplished and athletic Cha Cha Cha (then we found out he'd been a gymnast and all nodded sagely), we were distinctly underwhelmed (maybe our expectations where unrealistically high) by Felicity Kendal and Michelle Williams (but OMG Girlfriend check out those pins), but were surprised and impressed by Pamela Stephenson's graceful and joyous waltz.

We Booed Paul Daniels over 'Sausagegate' (back peddle all you want mate, it still has a very strong whiff of Homophobia about it), our hearts went out to a terrified Patsy Kensit (Sweetheart, please relax; and I could see that you also had to deal with a costume problem which doesn't help), and we held our collective breath as Ann Widdecombe took to the floor. I believe the term is 'Stately as a Galleon'.

However I think the surprise of the night was Gavin Henson, who delivered a smooth, confidence waltz with good footwork and an air of sophistication and went from this:

To this:

I was also very taken with Katya's peach dress, which was very lovely and (by Strictly standards!) very simple.



BB xx

Careful Daphers!

Steady there Daphers, (that's The Honourable Daphne Suzannah Diana Joan Guinness to you) a platform boot and a cobbled street can be a tricky combination; because, I'm not being funny girl, there's not that much of you and I fear you may snap rather than bounce.

 Ohh, but look, how sweet, some of the Hoi polloi are trying to help you.

And in case you need a medical brace I have tracked down these:

These are from Alexander McQueen's S/S 1999 collection; so I couldn't really have found anything more appropriate if you had taken a spill at the Cathedral yesterday. I also came across (from the same collection) something that would have been mighty handy for me for the past few weeks:

The designer hip brace with built in lace camisole and a one legged Pantaloni; perfect!

And whilst I've been digging around in the McQueen archive today (which on a serious note, makes me, as always, absolutely awestruck at his talent, vision and creativity) I thought I might also share the components of Bjork's 'Angel Outfit' that she sang in yesterday:

Wings from the S/S 1999 Collection and Feather Skirt from the S/S 2001 Collection.

I'm still disappointed that I can't see the silver helmet she was meant to be wearing, unless it's perched on the back of her head, however possible contenders include:

Silver Helmet Givenchy A/W R-T-W 1998/99 (during McQueen's reign) and Chain Mail from Alexander McQueen A/W R-T-W 2009/10

Although I can see that the Chain Mail could have proved vocally challenging.

  

Well I'm off to see Professor Schilders tomorrow, so watch this space to see whether I will be needing to invest in one of those leather hip braces!

Ballet Bitch xx

    

A Very Fashionable Final Farewell

A memorial service was held today at St Paul's Cathedral in London to commemorate the life of Alexander McQueen following his suicide seven months ago; which included, amongst other things Bjork dressed as a McQueen Angel and performing Billie Holiday's Gloomy Sunday.

I had read in one article that she was wearing a silver helmet, which I'm disappointed not to see.

I know that some people view the funerals of the famous as ostentatious or vulgar or even disrespectful in their theatricality, but I disagree, as long as they are fitting to the character of the deceased I think, that in a society becoming increasing informal and often down right slobbish making 'a great big effort' should be encouraged.

Sarah Jessica Parker, with what looks like the ghost of 'Sarah Jessica Parker Past' sneaking up the steps behind her.

Anna (Nuclear) Wintour looking as terrifying chic as ever and Hilary Alexander in what looks like a marvellous tulle hat.

And of course finally my favourite; good old Daphers!

I thought she rather underplayed it today, given what she wore to the actual funeral in February.

Ahh well, see you Daphers and a final farewell to Lee:

BB xx

   

The Arms Race

The other night I was watching 'What's Love Got to Do with It' (the Tina Turner story), because as far as I'm concerned the next best thing to a dance film is a biopic.

I love a biopic and I particularly like ones in which famous people play other famous people; don't ask me why but it's gratifying and amusing in equal parts. The exception to this rule is Drew Barrymore in Grey Gardens, whose portrayal of Little Edie was extraordinary, to the extent that at the very start of the film I thought they'd spliced in footage from the original documentary.

However some of my favourite biopics include 'The Scarlet O'Hara War' (Tony Curtis playing David O Selznick and Sharon Gless playing Carole Lombard), the legendary 'Mommie Dearest' (Faye Dunaway playing Joan Crawford) and perhaps my favourite 'Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure'. A biopic about Dynasty? Genius!

I'm sure some of you probably think I'm making that last one up, but I can assure it's real; check it out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUVvLPEQcas


I'm also partial to American biopics/mini-series about our Royal Family, hours of fun watching them get all the royal protocol horrendously wrong.

Anyway, I digress, back to the Tina Turner story. I have seen this film before, but I'd completely forgotten about Angela Bassett's arms.

Whoa Nelly!

It seems a bit unfair that Madonna always seems to get the blame for being the originator of female  trucker arms. 'What's Love Got to Do with It' was made in 1993, when her Madgesty looked a bit like this on 'The Girlie Show'; which was her tour for that year.

Toned I'll grant you, but I think Miss.Basset would probably win in an arm wrestling situation.

However we know Madonna is never one to be outdone, so fast forward 17 years and we have all learnt about the perils of banishing the dreaded 'Bingo Wings':

Maybe sometimes, it's just worth buying an outfit with sleeves..........

Ballet Bitch xx

Swine Lake

Well it will be three weeks tomorrow since the eminent Prof Schilders was fettling around inside my hip joint.

I had my first proper visit to the physio on Monday and so far (fingers crossed), so good. Along with giving me some new exercises to do (which I add to my existing regime) Garry also gave me some of that rubber Flexi Band stuff for added resistance and generally pulled, prodded and stretched parts of me around. I'm not saying I crossed, but I was definitely teetering on my pain threshold for some of it. The upshot is (as always) it felt so much better afterwards and actually really nice (I know that sounds perverse!) to have something that felt like a proper stretch. We are basically trying to keep as much of my mobility and flexibility as we can whilst I'm not dancing and (if I understood correctly) made sure I don't get any referred problems. For example I had started to get a bit of a niggly knee on my poorly leg, because other muscles and ligaments were starting to tighten.

That's the problem with being an elite athlete (snigger) I'm like a finely tuned machine!

My other concern about the postoperative period was weight gain. I usually dance 4 or 5 times a week and to go from that to zero I was a bit concerned I'd end up like this:

Ok I usually don't do the whole 'Fat Ballerina' spoof, but it's Nureyev and the Muppets, so you have to make an exception.

So I spent the first week after my Op being a total Food Nazi, living on fruit, salad and Innocent Veg Pots. However nothing terrible happened in fact my weight remained identical so I relaxed my regime a little and in the past two weeks, although mainly being very sensible I have also indulged in Steak and Chips, a roast dinner and a curry.

I remember reading in Gelsey Kirkland's autobiography 'Dancing on my Grave' that after she broke her foot in rehearsal she put herself on a very strict diet:

' Without mobility, I devoted all my energy to maintaining my appearance. I hobbled to the bathroom scale and balanced on one foot to check my weight several times a day. I went on a ration plan to stay at ninety pounds. In the morning I sliced one green apple into four pieces. Each piece constituted one meal, with a tablespoon of cottage cheese for dessert. I ate four "meals" a day' - Gelsey Kirkland

Balanchine, Karinska, Gelsey Kirkland and mystery dresser

Costume fitting for Firebird 1970

Well my days of living on Marlboro lights, black coffee and cottage cheeses (not to mention weighing 90 pounds) are about 20 years behind me, so I think I'm going to stick to my more moderate plan of baked fish and Veg pots with the occasional treat.

I think what's definitely helping to keep my weight in check is the two hours of daily self managing physio. This involves floor exercises and a session on the old exercise bike; I do this twice a day as instructed and it's great for the hip (as there's no pressure on it) and burns a few calories.

However I'm going to be honest, some days the cycling can be a bit tedious, so inspired by Richard Gere in American Gigolo ;who learned Swedish whilst doing inverted stomach crunches using Gravity Boots:

I thought I might pop an old  'Learn French with BBC2' CD (you know the kind that has jaunty music in between the modules) on whilst cycling away and but the end of the week would be able to convey that "My Grandmother's coach had been struck by lightning". It's not quite the same I grant you (I should probably point out that languages were never my strong point at school and that the only French I've ever really mastered has been that used in balletic terms) but he who dares Rodders.

After a few attempts at this I wasn't really making much progress, although I could actually remember some of the very basic stuff from the 'O' Level syllabus, so I decided to have a go at practising Swan Arms whilst cycling; thinking this would combine a bit of co-ordination, flexibility, artistic interpretation and basic toning properties. 

In my head I was an injured Prima, desperately trying to get fit for a World Premiere First Night, however I imagine the reality looked a bit more like this:

Take care my lovelies,

Ballet Bitch xx

Dancing and the Devil

I watched the Strictly Come Dancing launch programme last night, really with the sole purpose of watching Anton de Beke being paired with Ann Widdecombe. I know it was supposed to all be a surprise, but the entire nation knew that it was going happen; not only does Anton often get the, shall we say, not naturally gifted dancers, but after he severely blotted his copybook last year, it was inevitable there would be some serious penance to be paid.

As Len Goodman observed last night "It's never too early to start panicking"

However I would like to congratulate Miss Widdecombe on the decision to embrace her natural hair colour I think her silver locks are very flattering and rather chic.

Can I also just say how bloomin' fantastic does Felicity Kendal look:

Barbara Good finally got her 'Posh Frock'!

Following on from 'Strictly' I tuned in to Film 4 (being on crutches slightly limits one's options for a Saturday night!) to watch 'Bedazzled'; yes the critically acclaimed 2000 remake with Brendan Fraser and Liz Hurley.

Now I know that this film (based on the Pete and Dud 1967 movie of the same name) was not universally well received, but I've thoroughly enjoyed it before and was pleased to see it on offer for my viewing pleasure last night. I like a bit of pseudo psychology "Ohhh, be careful what you wish for", I think Brendan Fraser is always watchable and most importantly of all I love Liz Hurley's wardrobe in this film.

Behold:

Low cut sequin gown with a platinum crown of thorns.

Floor length strappy gown, slit to the thigh, sky scraper patent mules and a bejewelled alice band (check, check, check, standard Hurley issue- not suitable for civilians) if not Versace, than definitely in the style of.

And my favourite:  Red Fendi Coat, with red leather Fendi Handbag ( sadly not in shot)

Now for a little bit of fashion history,this is a picture of the coat (in white) on the Fendi Runway A/W 2000

And I wonder if the red leather outfit, shown in the same collection, was the inspiration for this costume:

And finally, who doesn't love a bejewelled bikini; do you think this was from her own range?

Apple and snake optional.



Ballet Bitch xx